i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
