just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
