Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
