Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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