I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
