Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
