Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
