I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
