my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
