I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
