i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
one might say we're banned from that church
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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