It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
