shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
