someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
