Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Randomize
