It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize