She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
