ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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