im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You are the jesus of drinking
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize