Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
