She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
