Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
