Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
