Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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