Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
