You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
