between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
