Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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