Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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