the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
