Small penises have feelings too.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
