Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
