My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
