Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
