I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
