They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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