yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
