R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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