You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
