sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
