Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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