My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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