Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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