I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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