I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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