I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
MIDGETS
????
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
