at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
