Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I deserve this hangover.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
