Yo dont text me then not text me
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
