I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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