my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
