I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
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