Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i believe in u and ur pee
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
