We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize