you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
And then he peed in my hair
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