that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
