We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
