I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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