this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
