i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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