Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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