Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
