One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
