Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
