i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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