I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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