White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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