It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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