he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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