This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
