They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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