whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize